Depression is an ugly experience. I know cause I have been there. They say that depression is anger turned inward. It seems as though the circumstances of life, often coupled with the conditions of our bodies leave us vulnerable to feeling anger.
Sometimes we deal with the anger well and it doesn’t get turn inward. Other times we don’t handle it. We ignore it. Then it turns inward on us and begins to fester. It can take our minds on wild rides and our negative internal dialogue might ignite into high gear. Next thing we know we begin to loose our lust for life.
That light of joy that we know as our “preferred-self” begins to disappear and our participation in life begins to dwindle. A feeling of dread and a lack of motivation follows.
Most common is that we stop taking care of ourselves. I have seen this over and over again, read about it a million times (OK not a million). Regardless, one of the first signs of depression is not taking care of our personal hygiene and health.
We get up and say, “Oh, I don’t feel like brushing my teeth”. Or, our tricky minds just cause us to forget.” We don’t feel like making the effort to prepare a good breakfast so we don’t. Instead we grab something unhealthy to make our hunger pains go away and move on.
We might just decide that our regular trip to the gym is not worth it this morning. Why? Because we don’t FEEL like it. Before you know it you become a slave to your FEELING of “I don’t feel like it.” That– “I don’t careness.”
We stop participating to make room in our day for the endless “stinking thinking”. The ramblings of our minds stuck like a broken record. A loop of thoughts all tied together that are somehow all saying stinky things. 99% of which are untrue. The one percent is likely a tiny little peep about what you are angry over. And it might be that you are not really angry, but hurt by someone or something and the pain of it is trying to hide under the anger.
How can we stop it? First, you have to really want to stop it. You have to gather up all your energy and tell yourself no. NO! I don’t care whether or not I feel like it. I am simply going to brush my teeth and take a shower. You will feel a tad bit better.
Then you can say, “NO! I don’t care if I don’t feel like it, I am going to make a good breakfast!” Do this and you will feel a tad bit more better-er.
If that “I don’t feel like it feeling” is so strong that no matter what you do you cannot make yourself do even one good thing for yourself–It may mean that your body needs help to turn it all around. I am a firm believer in taking medication as a means to healing. Some people can do it on their own, some people can do it through the support of others, or the structure of self-help programs, some people do it through temporary, or long term use of medication. And it is ok to take medication under a doctors supervision, with some combination of therapy or spiritual practice such as meditation, etc..
The point is that people who want to find a means to change and reprogram their slavery to their feelings DO FIND A WAY. What has happened for me on my journey in healing bouts of depression is unique to me. Your journey is unique also. But, there is common ground for us all.
And, I am telling you that taking care of yourself is the best therapy available and it is free. Your happy self cannot be nurtured or shine if you have layers of dead skin built up. Jump in the shower and make yourself feel better. Then have something to eat so you have the energy to go out somewhere and let your light shine through your glowing skin. Call a friend and share how you are feeling-then it might be a little easier.
Try your best! Reach out for support and assistance and Shine your light–the world needs you,
Love,
Judy